Grief/Loss

Grief is a normal response to a loss.  It includes all of the intense feelings and reactions that follow death of a loved one.  The following are normal reactions to the grief/loss.

 Common Grief Reactions

• Shock or Denial
• Feeling numb
• Postponing or avoiding death
• Sadness/crying
• Anger
• Mood Swings
• Fear of forgetting your loved one
• Guilt
• Difficulty concentrating
• Physical pain
• Change in grades
• Isolated or withdrawn
• Relief
• Anxiety
• Loneliness
• Fear of Death

WHEN TO ASK FOR HELP

If the following signs are present and grieving seems very difficult, you may need extra help.  Talk to a trusted adult about what to do and reach out.  If you feel any of the following thoughts or feelings, talk to someone, REACH OUT.

• Thoughts of hurting yourself
• Not taking care of yourself-bathing, brushing teeth, hair, etc.
• Engaging in drugs/alcohol
• Extreme eating or sleeping
• Aggression/Anger
• Depression (Lack of energy, not wanting to get out of bed, lack of interest in friends, family, sadness, loneliness).
• Ongoing grades dropping/ongoing problems at school
• Risk taking behaviors

Tips for Parents

• Be there and listen
• Don’t’ judge or tell them how to feel
• Answer questions honestly-based on their maturity level; know what they can/cannot handle.  You will not always have answers.
• Reassure them it is not their fault
• Ask them to share their favorite memory of their loved one
• Encourage activities and routines
• Allow time for grief-there is no allotted amount of time
• Encourage them to attend the funeral but give them choices about their participation.  Offer to attend with the teen in order to provide support. 

 How to Help a Grieving Friend

  Do………..

• Acknowledge their loss
• Listen
• Offer to spend time
• Send a card
• Attend the funeral or memorial service
• Send flowers, food, cookies
• Offer a hug/cry together
• Encourage normal activities
• Remember holidays and special days will be difficult especially during the first year
• Ask them how they are doing at different times and share good memories of your loved one

Don’t………

• Act as if nothing happened
• Avoid talking about the loss
• Say, “I know how you feel”
• Tell someone how you feel
• Expect the to “get over it”

How to help yourself

            .

• Give permission to grieve/cry/be sad
• Listen to relaxing music
• Write your feelings in a journal
• Write a song or poem about your loved one
• Go for a walk/run
• Talk to friends to trusted adults
• Create artwork which allows you to express your feelings
• Exercise or play sports
• Eat well and get enough sleep, take care of yourself
• Participate in a grief support group with local agencies or with your school counseling program.
• Write a letter to your loved one about things you would want them to know about you

The information is taken from A Guide for Grieving Teens.  2003.  HomeReach Hospice: Ohio Health.